


The Feeling Begins

by clio



Category: ZE:A
Genre: M/M, wansik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3311666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clio/pseuds/clio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One summer night, Siwan and Hyungsik practice reading lines together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Feeling Begins

 

It’s a rainy evening, the summer humidity unleashing a sudden down pour, sheets of glistening raindrops pooling in the streets and providing much needed relief.

Hyungsik pops another kernel of popcorn in his mouth, his long frame draped casually over the small couch in the dorm room, well-worn script in his other hand. “Again,” he says before smacking his lips together, licking off the butter and salt from the corners of his mouth.

Siwan stops mid-sentence, shoots him a look of frustration, but obediently begins again, his slippers softly shuffling as he paces the length of the living room.

It’s a rare occasion, the two of them finding themselves without schedules and with their members busy elsewhere, even rarer that they have the opportunity to do this: rehearse lines together, the representative actor-idols of their group. They’re in the hyungs’ apartment, which, Hyungsik readily admits, is neater and better stocked with snacks and treats than the younger members’ apartment.

“You don’t sound angry enough,” Hyungsik says when Siwan finishes his lines. “You need to come across stronger.”

“I don’t think he’s really angry though,” Siwan says as he flips over the script in his hand, pausing at a page. “I think he’s more… worried. I mean, she ran away from him and he just found out that she’s the octopus girl." He nods his head like he's convincing himself. "His mind and emotions are a mess.”

From his position on the couch, Hyungsik lets out a scoff of disbelief, lets the script fall from his hand. Brushing off his fingertips, he sits up and looks at Siwan. Gives him the “hyung, you’re cute but so,  _so_  wrong” look that Siwan hates so much.

“Hyung… he’s not confused. He is angry. And frustrated.” Hyungsik shakes his head, “But he’s not confused.”

Siwan considers his words, his brows drawing together, trying to place all the moving pieces in their perspective places. Hyungsik tries not to smile, knows that Siwan will take it the wrong way, but he kind of likes that Siwan is so innocent in matters of the heart, actually prefers him this way, and so he doesn’t so much mind that he has to explain things out in detail.

“He  _likes_  Yeonae,” Hyungsik says as if it is the most obvious answer in the world. “He’s sure about his feelings for her, and nothing changes that. The fact that he just found out that she’s the octopus girl? It doesn’t matter." He shrugs his shoulders before making jabbing motions with his hands. "What he  _does_  care about is that she ran away. That she kept a secret from him. In his mind, she doesn’t trust him or have faith in him.”

Siwan doesn’t say anything, listens quietly, letting it all wash over him. He nods slightly.

Hyungsik sits up, picks up the fallen script, continues in a small voice. “He’s angry that she can’t realize the depth of his feelings. And he’s desperate for some sign that she likes him too.”

When he looks up again, Siwan is gazing at him with an unreadable expression.

“You sound like you have a lot of experience,” he says.

Hyungsik blushes, knows that his ears have probably turned bright red. “Well… you know, not really,” he mumbles. But before Siwan can delve anymore into his history, Hyungsik abruptly stands up and makes his way to the fridge, and, after peering inside, returns with a large bottle of soju and two cups.

Siwan eyes the green bottle with some trepidation, eyebrow raised. “What’s that for?”

Grinning, Hyungsik proceeds to pour them each a shot, hands one to Siwan. “To keep things lively,” he smiles, “a shot for every time you mess up a line.”

Siwan shakes his head, tries to protest, but ends up with a glass in his hand anyway. “Why do you have a glass, then?” he asks, head tilted and an amused smile tugging at his lips.

“Because, hyung,” Hyungsik says before the both of them drink and let the sharp alcohol burn the backs of their throats, faces wincing as they force the liquid down to their stomachs, “We’re in this together.”

 

 

 

Needless to say, not a lot of time passes before they’re both buzzing with energy, their words not as crisp, their movements slightly awkward. Siwan is curled on the couch, his legs neatly tucked under his body, empty glass in hand as he recites his lines. Next to him, Hyungsik has settled on the floor, his back against the couch, bottle of soju within arms’ reach.

“Okay, good. Next!” Hyungsik says brightly, gives Siwan a thumbs up, flips the page. He eyes the text, pauses when he realizes what the scene entails. “Hyung, the-there’s a kiss scene…” he stumbles over his words as he glances at Siwan.

Siwan reaches down for the soju bottle, refills their glasses. Makes short work of his shot. “Yep, there’s a lot actually.”

“A lot?” Hyungsik repeats absentmindedly, begins thumbing through the rest of the script in earnest. Drinks his shot. Hears a noncommittal murmur in response.

And before he can stop himself, he blurts, “Should we practice that as well?”

Siwan stops fiddling with the bottle and glasses, his hands pausing in mid-air. His gaze finds Hyungsik immediately, pierces straight through him. “Practice what?”

Hyungsik feels his heart pounding in his veins, his lungs short of breath. There is no way he could take back his words, and while he could dismiss them as a joke, laugh it off, the alcohol strumming through his body and the way that Siwan has been looking at him the whole night, warm and open, has him thinking that he doesn’t  _want_  to take them back. He has a long-standing itch to scratch… and that itch was sitting next to him.

It was now or never. Hyungsik forges ahead, asks softly, “You’re not curious?”

The tone Siwan takes is guarded, deliberately cool. He puts his glass down slowly, lays his hands on his knees. “Curious about  _what_?”

He winces, and part of him wants to back down. Hyungsik understands that he’s treading on thin ice, knows how sensitive Siwan is when it comes to questions about his experience and sexuality.

But he also knows— _knows_ —that there’s something between them, even if Siwan is unwilling to recognize it. Hyungsik knows, because he has felt Siwan’s lingering looks on his skin, has seen Siwan light up at his arrival, has seen the way he treats the other members and it is nothing like the way he treats him. He knows he's different from everyone else in Siwan's life, and he figures it's about time he finds out exactly what that means.

Hyungsik also knows the tips of his ears are betraying him, but forces himself to push a little further. “About how to do it properly. How to make it convincing. That’s your biggest worry, right? How to make it look natural.”

He inches closer to Siwan. “Hyung, I’m saying it’s okay." Taking a breath, he gingerly lays a hand on Siwan's knee. "I can help you.”

A shadow crosses over Siwan’s face as he stares at Hyungsik's hand on his leg, and suddenly he feels very far away. “Hyungsik,” Siwan’s voice cracks when he says his name, “let’s stop this.”

“I’ve already started to become obsessed with you.”

Siwan looks stricken, frozen, his entire body taut. His eyes shoot back and forth like a frightened, caged animal.

“That’s your cue.” Hyungsik speaks calmly. He might not have a ton of experience, but between the two of them, he realizes that the responsibility falls to him to take control of the situation and guide Siwan through this. He traces small circles on Siwan's knee with his thumb.

Siwan lets out a shaky breath. “What?”

“My line is ‘I’ve already started to be come obsessed with you.’ Now it’s your turn.”

Hyungsik knows it's a guise, rehearsing lines a complete farce. But if this is what it took for Siwan to get comfortable with him, to get comfortable with the idea of  _them_ , then he is more than willing to play along.

“T-Thank you. For obsessing over me. For liking me.” Siwan recites his lines successfully, but without confidence. To Hyungsik's eyes, he seems impossibly small, poised at the edge of the couch, and so much younger than his 25 years.

“Good,” Hyungsik says reassuringly, nodding his head in approval, a small smile on his lips. “Now kiss me.”

At this, Hyungsik closes his eyes, stays still, and waits.

“It’s okay, hyung,” he whispers softly, wanting Siwan to come to him of his own free will. As the moments slip by, however, Hyungsik begins to fear that Siwan won’t do it, that he will pull away, and there won’t be anywhere left to hide.

But then he feels Siwan’s fingers, his trembling touch upon his face, and Hyungsik thinks he might cry in relief. Heart racing, he waits for Siwan to make his next move.

He feels Siwan draw close, his shuddering breath warm against his mouth, an impossibly pregnant moment, and then Hyungsik tastes the sweetness that is Siwan’s kiss.

Hyungsik is kissed firmly on mouth, with taut, quick lips, an attack on his face really, and the whole thing is over much too soon. Opening his eyes, he finds a pained looking Siwan, cheeks aflame and an apology written all over his face.

“I’m sorry, Hyungsik,” he breathes, bringing a hand to cover his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Hyungsik says quickly, warmly, and he reaches out to gently remove Siwan’s hand from his face. “I’m fine. See?" He grins, "Better than fine, actually.” There's something blooming in his chest, but he can't say that, not yet.

Hyungsik can see that Siwan is trembling slightly, his eyes taking in his every movement.

“I think,” he begins in a tone as encouraging and clinical as possible, “You should relax you lips. Be softer. And don’t rush.” Hyungsik gives a little laugh, hoping to dispel Siwan’s nerves. “This isn’t a passionate kiss.”

This time, when Siwan kisses him, Hyungsik keeps his eyes open, utterly fascinated, wanting to witness this new side to Siwan. This awakening. Hyungsik lets Siwan kiss him, doesn’t take anything for himself, perfectly content to let Siwan explore him.

It is more than a little surreal and supremely gratifying that Hyungsik should find himself on the receiving end of Siwan’s kiss. His first  _real_  kiss. And Siwan isn't pushing him away and punching him in the gut for it either. All of it, the acceptance, the fulfillment of hopes, the moment of the impossible becoming reality, is not lost on Hyungsik as he sighs into the kiss.

Mentally he notes how Siwan’s lashes flutter against his cheek, the clumsy but curious way his lips find his own, hesitantly exploring and growing bolder with each caress. And after, how Siwan looks up at him a little breathlessly.

Hyungsik knows the feeling, because he’s having a difficult time himself and wants nothing more than to throw away this whole farce and push Siwan down on the couch to kiss him properly.

“Much better,” he says calmly instead, clearly a little dazed, and Siwan visibly relaxes.

“You're doing great," Hyungsik grins, proud of him. He takes a moment to consider his next, move, his whole being alive with giddy anticipation. "Think we can move on from here?"

Siwan gives him a small nod, a blush creeping up his neck. Hyungsik says a little prayer that Siwan is still with him, and what's more, with an anticipatory look etched on his face.

"The next step is to get the feeling behind the kiss," He directs with false bravado and authority. "After all, it is a very sweet and tender moment.”

"Hyung, I’m going to kiss you now," Hyungsik gets up on his knees, becoming eye-level with Siwan, lowers his gaze and his voice, "So make sure you pay attention."

Siwan, again, just nods, eyes already focused on his lips. Hyungsik has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling at Siwan’s eagerness. He reaches out and cups Siwan’s cheek, his thumb grazing his jawline gently. Slowly, he leans in and finally kisses Siwan the way he wants.

The way he has in countless unmentionable dreams.

When they come up for air, Hyungsik gives Siwan one last peck for good luck, but doesn’t move away, their foreheads touching. Hyungsik sighs in pleasure and satisfaction, that expansive feeling once more in his chest. He closes his eyes against the feeling, his thumb once again brushing against the skin of Siwan’s cheek.

“Why are you doing this?” Siwan’s voice is soft, seeking.

Hyungsik opens his eyes. “I’ve already told you,” he says. “I’m obsessed with you.”

But Siwan shakes his head, pulls back, a frown on his face. “I don’t want to play anymore, Hyungsik.”

“Who’s playing?”

Layers of emotion flicker across Siwan’s face faster than Hyungsik can make them out.

“I’m completely serious,” Hyungsik breathes. He gazes at Siwan in complete earnestness, gives a little shrug of his shoulders. “I am obsessed with you, hyung. I can't help it.”

And this time it is Siwan who makes the first bold move and kisses him, full and eager and plundering, his hands frantic and  _everywhere_. And it’s Hyungsik who finds himself flat on his back against the couch being kissed to sweet oblivion.

 

 

 

Later, wrinkled sheets twisted around their bodies, Hyungsik will kiss Siwan’s bare shoulder, lips grazing over a little red love mark.

“Sorry about that,” Hyungsik will say, not sounding at all like he means it.

And Siwan will swat Hyungsik’s wandering hands away, his cool personality back in place. “Let’s go to sleep,” he will mutter, sounding thoroughly exhausted, something that Hyungsik will take pride in.

"Hey, hyung..."

"Hm?"

"What are you going to say now when people ask you about your first kiss?" Hyungsik asks cheekily. "Your first  _everything_?"

Siwan responds by throwing a pillow at him and groaning. And Hyungsik just laughs, thinks Siwan's adorable although he knows better than to say so aloud. Instead, he nestles himself against Siwan, that same impossibly expansive feeling blooming deep within him.

"Just so you know," Siwan's voice cuts through the darkness, thick and rich with sleep. "I am sort of obsessed with you too."

Hyungsik's whole being snaps, crackles, pops. "Really?" He can't help but ask.

"Really," Siwan yawns, buries a little deeper into the covers, looks up at Hyungsik with hazy, hooded eyes. "Goodnight, Hyungsik."

Feeling incomparably full, Hyungsik will hold Siwan a little tighter. As he edges towards sleep, a dopey dreamy smile on his face, he will make a mental note to thank the script writer of Siwan's drama in the morning.

  
****  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> originally posted at clio323 @ livejournal.
> 
> they're rehearsing lines from Siwan's drama "Waiting for Love"


End file.
